Monthly Archives: November 2010

>Post-election grief plagues McCain faithful

> Originally published here on November 13, 2008. I just really like this one, and if you’re wondering, it’s been two years, and they still haven’t made it to Acceptance. :(

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Cling to your guns while you still can. Comrade Obama has won.

The reactions of the anti-Obama crowd all fall into one category: grief.

It was Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross who said that we as humans deal with grief in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance, with a dash of hope.

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it’s huge, like when you lose a loved one or a rabid lion mauls your pet elf, and his ears are no longer the right pointy size thus depriving him of his elf status.

Sometimes it’s small, like when you lose your favorite piece of gum, the one you’ve kept since kindergarten. And if you stick your tongue in the right spot, you swear you can still taste that strawberry flavor. You swear it.

Sometimes loved ones, sometimes possessions, sometimes pets, and every four years, a presidential election.

Five stages of grief. Some are farther along than others. I have outlined the stages with examples.

Denial

Here with the subjects we see an almost childlike refusal to believe that a dark man with an un-American name has captured the Presidency. Like when you insist that Santa Claus is real and Mommy is making it all up.

Only more pathetic.

“I can’t believe that Anti-Christ is President!”

You can take comfort from the fact that soon your God will beam all of you good, Christian folk up to eternal paradise. So don’t fret. Actually, why are you worried to begin with? If you believe in the Christian end times and you believe that Obama is the anti-Christ, why are you against him? If the end result (get it? End result? LOL!!1) is beneficial to you, shouldn’t you have voted for him? Maybe killed a few McCainiacs, just to close the gap?

Where’s your dedication? Take one for the team!

Anger

“Bend Over Here Comes Change. Nobama ’12”

No brilliant commentary here. I just really love this one. Isn’t it great?

Bargaining

“If we can prove he’s not a natural-born citizen, we can remove him from office!”

With a name like “Barack Obama”, smart money says he’s from out of town. Way out of town.

The above quote helped, in part, fuel Impeach Obama Facebook groups. Yes, within hours of his election, angry citizens turned to the one place where true change resonates: a social networking website.

I wonder how many McCain supporters blocked (or banished) Obama supporters and vice versa. If these quotes are any indication of their intelligence, something tells me it was a high number. I hope so.

Anyways:

“People do not lose hope entirely…He still has not proven he is a citizen of the US. Please pray for our country…God knows we need it”

First you prayed for McCain/Palin to win. Now you’re praying for the country.

It’s safe to say there is not much of a learning curve with you people.

“All that matters is that we IMPEACH IMMEDIATELY”

In other words, it’s now or never, my brothers. How many of these groups exist? I quit counting at 120.

Depression

Here the subjects come closer to accepting reality, which brings on a bout of prolonged sadness.

“I am ashamed of America for the first time in my life”

“I am disappointed in my beloved country!”

“[redacted] wishes her husband wasn’t from Ohio :(”

They’re depressed. Sad. Down in the dumps, downtown with a frown, they’re feeling rather blue. Pop a couple Zoloft, or try and sit it out, because following depression comes…

Acceptance

404 ERROR.

No one is quite there yet, it seems.

They’ll get here if they can stop buying the same brand of hate that the Republicans promoted during the election and realize that there are legitimate reasons to dislike Obama, but “socialist!”, “communist!”, “negro!” and “Muslim!” are not.

So they’ll never reach this stage.

The Republicans failed for many reasons. I won’t blame Sarah “Vice President?” Palin. After all, who among us has not received a blessing from a witch doctor? Who among us can actually recall that day in fifth grade social studies where they explained the role of a Vice President? Precisely.

I blame whoever decided that this hateful single-digit IQ religious fundamentalist was a great tool to grab the disenfranchised Hillary Clinton maniacs. Did you really think they’d just switch from a bad candidate to the worst one imaginable?

Well, Obama, it’s in your hands now. When you drop it, try not to break it.

Because they’re already talking Palin 12. It worries me, but let’s look on the bright side.

By then she ought to know what a President does.

And who knows? Maybe her ABCs too? Godspeed, Wasilla’s finest. Godspeed.